Bah!

Humbug!

I'm looking hard for goodies
To give you Christmas Eve.
But all we have is this stuff. It's
Not nice enough to leave.

So if you're feeling generous,
Dear Santa, here's the thing
We monkeys would appreciate
Gift cards for Burger King.

Now Santa, take a look at me -
I really must insist.
I'm stately, calm and regal
But something is amiss.

If you'd like to cheer me up
And get rid of my frown,
Don't you think the King of Beasts
Should really have a crown?

I'm sad to say, dear Santa
That I don't have a stocking.
Some may laugh and some may scoff,
And some think that is shocking.

So I'll put out this basket,
And hope you understand.
That I'm not greedy, really.
It's all I have at hand.

Oh, leaves again, ho hum, oh dear.
This diet's not a thriller.
So Santa if you'd like to cheer up
All of us gorillas -

A big, huge feast please. Lots of food,
And drinks. That wouldn't hurt.
And most of all we'd love to have
Some ice cream for dessert.

Can a jaguar change his spots?
Oh I can only dream.
I'm sick of polka dots and such.
They make me want to scream.

So how about a new coat, pal?
Some stripes, or even plain?
But please, oh please, don't bring me
These @(^&$* spots again!

Dear Santa, welcome to my town
Where it is always raining.
And though it's often cold and damp,
I'm really not complaining.

Now I don't like to ask for things
But really, what the heck...
I'd love a giant scarf to wrap
Around my long, long neck.

Oh Santa, you might wonder why
I hide beneath the water.
I'll tell you. It's because I have
Nose hairs. I shouldn't oughta!

So if you find within your sack
A little nose-hair trimmer
This hippo here would jump for joy
And not be such a swimmer.

And me, I live here on my own
I've everything I need.
So I'll just wave as you fly by
On Jolly Christmas Eve.

I wish you a safe journey
As you speed on your way.
And when it's done, I hope you have
A lovely Christmas Day.